Friday 21 December 2012

Things People Say & Things People Want to Say

(Purists may continue reading this text knowing fully well that it contains a few expletives.)

We don’t always say out loud what comes to our mind. We can’t. Not all the time at least. In times when pleasing people around you (colleagues, peers, teachers, superiors, acquaintances)- or being cordial with them- is becoming increasingly important, we find ourselves speaking things we don’t really mean. Or feel. Complimenting someone when not warranted; for example.

Indeed, we sometimes use euphemisms or indulge in praises not to hurt someone’s feelings. Yet in many cases we do so because that is what we are supposed to do and it makes us feel better about ourselves. Such ingratiation may be more commonly known as diplomacy, sucking up, flattery, ‘licking’ and many more colourful Hindi words. Without judging, following are a few instances (picked randomly) when people say something and things they might additionally want to say.

1. Subordinate to his boss: ‘I wish you would delegate more. I’d love to learn more things.’
(Whole office knows that you are an obsessive control freak and your damned wife is controlling you too much. Don’t take it out on your subordinates by being a jerk. Man up and Stop breathing down my neck. Gimme some frickin’ work.)

2. ‘Congratulations on getting placed, xxx. Superb.’ (F@$^#*)
Xxx: ‘Yeah. Thanks.’

(SUCK IT. Highest package in the whole class, bitch!)

3. ‘You guys make such a nice couple. Veryhappy to see you two together.’

(Huh it took her eight boyfriends to finally be with him. Eight boyfriends. I wonder if more are coming. And he looks so gay!)

4. ‘I totally loved the movie. Awesome.’

(Hated it. But saying that I looooved it makes me sound cool and accepted and I’m too chicken to admit that I hated the movie.)

5. ‘I don’t want to be reactive but want to take charge of my life. Do something. But somehow I’m not doing it. I donno why. Maybe I’m too lazy.’

(I moan about petty issues, I spend half the time being jealous of others and when that’s not happening, I’m busy hating myself as I have some real low self-esteem.
….And I’m in denial about it.)

6. ‘I like what you write. It’s interesting. Keep it up.’

(God, if my one wish came true for reading each page that was written by you, and giving you fake positive feedback about it; I’d be do so many things by now. And your writings would be at the bottom of the ocean. Along with your sorry ass.)

& the last one,

 7. Girl to her boyfriend: ‘This was the best sex I ever had!’

(If I’m counting backwards. And perhaps worst instead of best. Just thought about Taylor Lautner all through it. Thank god women can fake it!!)

Note: This is completely a product of my highly cynical and wry disposition. It may well be possible that many people say things that they actually mean.
(As if that’s true....)

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